Oh all these recurring dreams 《梦，这些终而复始的梦》
Oh all these recurring dreams. How I wish I don’t have to wake up from them. How I wish the recurring comes to an end. In every dream you look lovelier than ever. In every rousing I miss you more. It pains me to go into slumber every night only to find you by my side for such a brief moment. And then you are gone as the dream of Pasithea collapsed into million pieces of broken memories.
But the you in my dreams are not really you. It is an idealised version of you. The you who look forwards to a future where we can live happily and never fight. The you who always smile. The you who are always so optimistic and won’t give up easily. There were times when you were this person, and you loved it. But being this person ain’t no easy task (especially given the circumstances we were in and the unstable nature of our relationship). How I wish I were more caring and less demanding, and made rooms for your personal space and gave you a hand when you were taking steps out of your comfort zone so you could try your best to be this person. How I wish I knew when you were feeling insecure and gave you the courage and warmth you needed, like you had done for me when I was feeling insecure. How I wish I were a better lover.
It’s been half a year since you disappeared from my world, showing up only in dreams. I wish the real you are doing well in life.
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Of course, I still dislike you as a human being and for all that you have done. That hasn’t changed. I’m glad our story had come to an end in reality. I look forwards to the day I completely forget about you.
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