I used to be afraid of waking up one day and realising that everything I had experienced was a construct of the mind and the reality that I knew of did not exist, and that I was the equivalence of a deaf, blind, and anosmic person with the inability to sense anything - resembling that of a function which takes in no argument, in a sense an I/O of 0-arity - in the actual reality wherein, as such, I have no way of knowing or interacting with the outside world. So I mentally constructed the current reality and deluded myself into thinking that it is real, and that I am a member of the most dominant species on a gigantic sphere, and that I have friends and first-degree relatives I can count on, and that things make sense here, and that it is natural for there to be consistency in the way stuff behave in this universe, which, comes to think about it, is bloody strange.
I used to be afraid.
But I no longer do. Perhaps the past never existed and I was never once afraid: all there is is the presence: the concept about the flow of time is nothing more than a mental device engendering the expectation regarding the arrival of “the future” which is too a construct of the mind in the frozen presence that never once moved. Or perhaps I’ve constructed this immediate experience only to get myself to realise that perhaps the discussion of whether something is real or exists is meaningless and that existence itself does not quite exist in the actual reality the way as depicted in any ontological thinking. Or perhaps after all these years of existence, I’m beginning to take peace in the idea that I have always been alone and that the world never existed. It has all along been me, and nothing. Very minimalistic. Very elegant. And by me I don’t mean the person who is doing all this thinking of course. Nor am I referring to the conscious mind which is basically a product of a certain subset of neurons in the brain. I’m not exactly sure what I am referring to. It doesn’t quite matter actually.
Oh, my dear readers, what I’d like to tell you is that I’ve changed quite a lot since I started writing on 0a.io last September. I am now ready for a new chapter in life. I’m thinking about doing some substantial reconstruction for this site of mine. I would be altering the way things are organized, adding new features, improving the GUI, and building it more functionally this time. The plan in mind: Hakyll + Redux + Deku.
This is the end of Chapter 1.